I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
           reasons: 

           1.  I do physical labor. 

           2.  I work at great depths. 

           3.  I plunge head first into everything I do.  

           4.  I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 

           5.  I work in a damp environment.  

           6.  I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation. 

           7.  I work in high temperatures. 

           8.  My work exposes me to diseases.  

 
           Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the  arguments
           you have raised,The management denies your request for the following
           reasons:

           1.  You do not work 8 hours straight. 

           2.  You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work
           period.                 

           3. You do not always follow theorders of the management team.  

           4.  You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen
           visiting other locations. 

           5.  You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
           stimulated in order to start working. 

           6.  You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. 

           7.  You dont always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
           wearing the correct protective clothing. 

           8.  You are unable to work double shifts. 

           9.  You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
           completed the assigned task. 

           10. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering
           and exiting the workplace carrying two   suspicious-looking bags.
           

            Sincerely, The Management